Emotions...

Once I was able to go to the NICU on my own I went as much as I could.  Asa's birth took a huge toll on me mentally.  From the beginning the pregnancy was always considered at risk and I had weekly doctors appointments, monthly growth checks, etc.  I was constantly reminded about the baby inside of me but I had a hard time wrapping my head around having another child, and one that might be born with health issues.  I kind of avoided thinking about it so when I was told my body was going into preeclampsia at 32 weeks I wasn't prepared at all.  It was such a blessing that he did not have any of the health problems originally thought he would have.  But with that said he still was a 3 lb 6 oz baby who had a lot of growing and developing to do before he could come home.

 I felt a lot of guilt that Asa was born so early.  Yes everyone was telling me it wasn't my fault but my baby was born early because my body forced him out.  Which had been the issue from the beginning, my body was always attacking the poor baby...breaks my heart.

 Anytime I went into the NICU my first initial reaction was tears.  He was so little and had so many machines hooked up to him.  He was really bad with his feeding tube and IV.  He would pull out the feeding tube and his veins would collapse causing them to have to move the IV to a new spot 1-2 times a day.

The nurses were so great in the NICU.  They spent a lot of time talking with me, not just about Asa but as a friend.  It made it all so much easier.