Crib

Darin started a toxicology rotation in Harrisburg during the time Asa was in the NICU.  I was very thankful Darin's parents were here to help me so I could go to the hospital and visit Asa. I was able to establish somewhat of a routine where I would spend the morning cleaning or playing with Nash, then I would make it to the 12pm feeding.  Come home and do whatever then return back to the NICU for the 9pm feeding with Darin if he came home.  We would stay at the hospital for 1-3 hours, so twice a day seemed to be all I could do without abandoning Nash.

Asa was fed breast milk that I brought in daily through a tube until he could stay awake through a whole feeding, then he was switched to a bottle.  His little mouth muscles just were not developed enough to try actual breast feeding.  Although, each time I went the last 2 weeks we would introduce him to me while I did a kangaroo hold, (skin on skin) this was good for my milk as well as his development.

I enjoyed going to the NICU because each day it seemed like there was a new development and Asa was progressing towards coming home.  During his 3rd week stay he was able to maintain his body temperature.  He was able to wear clothes, and was moved to a crib.  It was fun to see how he turned into a little person once he was able to have clothes.  He then started his feeding plan (the yellow paper in the picture) with Allie Gerrald a speech/feeding specialist.  We had worked with Allie a year or so ago when Nash was having trouble with different textures.  Her husband is also in Darin's residency.  We were so happy to have her help again!

Asa's feeding plan was to allow him 3 sucks and then drop the bottle down so he could swallow and breathe.  He had a hard time coordinating the two.  He often stopped breathing causing his heart to go into brady-cardia which is a slow heart rate.  This would set off alarms.  If he set off alarms during feeding he was set back 24 hours, if he set off the alarms on his own he was set back 5 days. I would get so nervous when this happened.  They assured me that they wouldn't release him if he was still doing this.

I thought it was funny that his tag read "Chri (cry) baby Willardson" LOL

Asa was really good at eating for the day nurses but seemed to be too tired during the night so they often tubed him at night.  I think it all depended on the nurses attitude as well.  There were several times I came at night and he was wide awake but they had tubed him anyway.  VERY FRUSTRATING!  So I always tried to get there before feedings started.

Asa was so small.  But he was growing bigger every day,  we were always so excited to see how much he weighed the next time we came in.

My mom flew in June 2nd and the Willardson's flew out June 3rd.  I became really sick on my way to Philadelphia to pick up my mom from the airport.  By morning I had a huge infection with a high fever.  Darin had worked the night shift in Harrisburg so he wasn't there early enough to take Mom and Dad Willardson to say good bye to Asa.  I felt terrible. 

Later that night Brother and Sister Black came to visit us.  They are serving a temple mission in Palmyra, NY.  I was feeling somewhat good enough to go into the hospital to introduce them and my mom to Asa.  I felt pretty special that they traveled all that way to meet our sweet little guy. THANK YOU!

Isolette

 Once Asa was able to come off the C-pap he was placed in an Isolette to help him learn to sustain his body heat.  We were able to touch him through the incubator holes.

 The cone shape thing on his head is where his IV was.  The wrap on his hands were to keep his busy hands from ripping out the IV and feeding tube.

It was a good week before we were able to hold Asa since his delivery.  The Dr. had told me in the morning that I could hold him.  I was so excited but the nurse never offered him to me and I was too afraid to ask.  That night his nurse Amber (who we loved) offered him to us and I couldn't stop crying.  It was such a sweet moment.

Grandma & Grandpa Willardson

Asa's arrival was pretty convenient for the fact that he came the day Darin's parents were coming into town for a visit.  Darin had a vacation week and the plan was to go to Palmyra, NY with Gma and Gpa Willardson.  Asa had other plans for us.  We were so grateful that the Willardson's were coming into town and could help with Nash while I was in the hospital.

 When they arrived they took turns visiting Asa in the NICU.

I was so happy to see Nash show so much love toward his Grandma and Grandpa.  I always worry that with so much distance between us that he won't know our families.  That was not a problem at all for Nash he loved reading with Grandma and wore Grandpa out playing.  Thank you so much for extending your trip and helping us out.  We loved having you both here.

Emotions...

Once I was able to go to the NICU on my own I went as much as I could.  Asa's birth took a huge toll on me mentally.  From the beginning the pregnancy was always considered at risk and I had weekly doctors appointments, monthly growth checks, etc.  I was constantly reminded about the baby inside of me but I had a hard time wrapping my head around having another child, and one that might be born with health issues.  I kind of avoided thinking about it so when I was told my body was going into preeclampsia at 32 weeks I wasn't prepared at all.  It was such a blessing that he did not have any of the health problems originally thought he would have.  But with that said he still was a 3 lb 6 oz baby who had a lot of growing and developing to do before he could come home.

 I felt a lot of guilt that Asa was born so early.  Yes everyone was telling me it wasn't my fault but my baby was born early because my body forced him out.  Which had been the issue from the beginning, my body was always attacking the poor baby...breaks my heart.

 Anytime I went into the NICU my first initial reaction was tears.  He was so little and had so many machines hooked up to him.  He was really bad with his feeding tube and IV.  He would pull out the feeding tube and his veins would collapse causing them to have to move the IV to a new spot 1-2 times a day.

The nurses were so great in the NICU.  They spent a lot of time talking with me, not just about Asa but as a friend.  It made it all so much easier.

NICU visit

 Upon arrival in the NICU, Asa was footprinted and I thumb printed...look how cute his little feet are.

 Before taking me to the Mother & Baby unit they wheeled my bed into the NICU to see Asa.
 I was still pretty blurry eyed, but I could tell he was the most BEAUTIFUL baby EVER! :)

This would be that last I saw of Asa for another day and a half.  I felt too sick and dizzy from the magnesium to be moved from my room.

Once I left all of the head gear of the c-pap was put on to help him breath.  I think they kept all that off as to not scare the heck out of me my first time really seeing him in the NICU.

Asa Cosby Willardson

On May 19th our little Asa Cosby made his debut into our crazy family.  His birth was a bit of a surprise.  Here is the story:

On Thursday, May 17th our family was in a bit of a rush.  Our little 6am wake up call THE NASHAROO, would NOT wake up for his 9am preschool.  Darin was late for grand rounds and I was dragging myself out of bed as well.  Nash finally came around at 8:40 am just enough time for me to throw some clothes on him stuff some toast down his throat and head to preschool.  I normally wouldn't worry about dropping him off late but today ironically I had a stress test doctors appointment at 9:15am.  Then I needed to run errands before I picked Nash up at 11:30am to head to my friends baby shower.

When I got to the doctors office I felt a little yucky and my friend Codi had an appointment at the same time.  I joked with her in the waiting room that I think I just put myself into labor with how crazy my morning was...we laughed.  I did the stress test and everything looked great and I was planning out the rest of my day I was still prepping for Nash's birthday party, cleaning the house and grocery shopping for Grandma and Grandpa Willardson to come into town on Saturday during Darin's vacation.

THEN I saw the doctor to talk about the stress test and he seemed a bit concerned.  Which I didn't understand because the Nurse Practitioner just told me everything looked great.  What I didn't know is that my blood pressure was really high and the protein in my urine was abnormal.  He listened to the babies heart beat measured me then told me that I needed to make my way to the hospital for further tests.  He had me sign a paper about delivery and my body went into shock.  I was only 32 weeks...did that mean I am delivering this child now???!!

Darin was doing a presentation for grand rounds so I couldn't get a hold of him.  I called my friend Codi and asked her if she could help out with picking up Nash from preschool.  I am sure she thought I was dying as I was a blubbering panic case!  I got to the labor and delivery and they started monitoring my blood pressure and checking my urine again.  At that point I started to see some stars, a headache started, my reflexes were beginning to be very rapid, and my body began to swell.  Darin made it to the hospital just in time for me to receive the most OUCHY shot of steroids in my bum to speed up the babies lung development, I thought I was going to die.  I feel so bad for little kids that get shots in their bum now!  Maternal Fetal Medicine and OB/GYN Associates decided to admit me based on my blood pressure and protein levels so they could gather a 24 hour urine sample.  Their goal was to keep me pregnant as long as possible.  They decided that I would not be released from the hospital but rather keep me for a couple of days or a couple of weeks.  The goal was to get the baby to week 34.

That night I developed the BIGGEST migraine ever and I had to change rooms 3 times because most of the at risk rooms had to be turned into delivery rooms because of how many babies were being delivered.  It was a busy busy night!  The worst part was I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom on my own because I had to be on magnesium to keep me from having seizures with my high blood pressure.  So I had to use a bed pan...such a horrible thing.  When you have a baby you lose any dignity you ever had!

My vision was getting worse and my blood pressure was spiking.  My face, hands and feet were beyond swollen and I was so miserable.  I am so thankful for Stacia, Codi, Elaine Walls and Cindy Amorino who came to visit me during that sick time.  I am sure I was a nut case especially since I had to hold an ice pack over one eye so I could focus on anyone!

I saw quite a bit of doctors, all of my OB/GYN doctors said I would be fine and keep the baby in. I started preparing for A LONG stay in the hospital. Then I saw Dr. Scorza a perinaetologist (sp) who specializes in preeclampsia. He is an awesome doctor and did a thorough check then said you will have this baby this weekend. Sure enough my protein levels came back dangerously high and they started me on Pitocin at 8pm Friday. Darin and I were pretty nervous. Darin brought Nash to see me and we called our friend Bill Lees to give me a blessing.  The Lees family (along with many others) offered to take Nash for the night.  Nash was so excited for his sleep over with his friend Josh he could hardly stand it.  As he left my room he said "Night, night mommy!" then stalled at the door and said "close your eyes!" so I did.  When I opened them he was gone.  When Darin returned I was moved to a delivery room with this kind of equipment....

We settled in for a long night!  Darin was happy there was a reclining chair unlike Nash's delivery.  It seemed like Darin slept great, he says otherwise.  Me on the other hand battled the back labor all night.  In the early morning the OB/GYN and a resident came in to check my progress.  They decided to stick a folley in to stretch my cervix.  They also broke my water later. Then they upped my dose of Patocin.  Which was WAY too high.  The contractions were VERY intense and I started hallucinating that books were falling on me.  The nurse was good to help me breath through the contractions and she urged the anesthesiologist to see me first.  I am glad she did because labor came quickly after I got my epidural, I actually could still feel everything because I hadn't had it very long.  Darin was so good to steady me while I got the epidural.  I wanted to die at that point because the contractions were awful.  I kept thinking "I don't know how ANYONE does this naturally!"

After the anesthesiologist left the labor team assembled and the NICU ladies were brought in as well.  There were so many people in my room. I felt like it was all very surreal.  My OB/GYN Dr. Michael Sheinberg who I had never seen before, but really liked him for the delivery.  Dr. Sheinberg, an OB resident, my nurse and Darin all stood at my bedside.  They didn't tell me to wait for a contraction they just said push when you want.  So I did.  Our little 3 lb 6 oz, 17 in baby came out at 9:47am with no issues.  It was a very out of body experience as I felt like I watched the birth myself.  The room was very relaxed and loving.  The NICU nurses took Asa as he wasn't crying.  They worked with him until he began and even then I did not hear him, I felt very out of it.

Notice how swollen I am.  I laugh when I see new mothers in the delivery room looking beautiful and then there is me...swollen, messy and completely OUT OF IT!

Dr. Sheinberg made fun of me at one point when I took the camera away from Darin and started snappy pictures.  Especially since I was the one with blurry eyes and ramped up on magnesium.

The funny thing about this picture of Darin is he is wearing the same shirt that he wore when Nash was born.  I think we need to get him a new wardrobe before the next child!

Asa is absolutely beautiful.  He was taken to the NICU after showing him to me.  Darin followed him there.  After I was cleaned up and before I was taken to my new room in the Mother-Baby unit they wheeled my bed into the NICU, so I could see that Asa was safe and in good hands.